The Duty of a Parent

We live at the end of a cul de sac. Most of our neighbors are these cute, little elderly couples who have lived here for 30+ years. I don't mind that there aren't a lot of kids. Whenever my children see one of our neighbors out planting flowers, pruning their shrubs, or cutting the grass they go out and ask to help. They end up spending some lovely quality time with these neighbors and learn a lot from them. It is lovely.  However, we have one family on our street who has three girls. They live about four or five houses down from us. Their three girls are all a few years older than our girls. The oldest is 16 years old. We never see her. The next one is 11 years old, in her last year of primary school and will be attending secondary school next year. The last one is 8 years old and is very sweet.

The problem comes with the middle girl. Whenever she has a certain friend of hers named Ellie at her house for a play date, they end up coming to my house asking if my girls can come out and play. In the summer, my girls would be out riding bikes and they would just ride or walk up to them and start "bulling" them.This past summer, my girls got so upset every time these older girls came out of their house. Abby especially went into hyper panic mode and set off crying by almost anything they did. They have no respect for authority or anyone older than them. In fact this past summer, when they would see us get into our car to drive somewhere they would jump on their bikes and ride in the middle of the road as slow as possible in front of our car so we could not get around them. We had to go at a snail's pace behind them until we reached the main road way, where they would turn off and we would finally be on our way. That little trick enraged me so much! I could not believe these 10-11 year old girls could be so rude and obnoxious. I wanted to run them over in the worst way.

The other thing, they love to do is ring our doorbell several times and then run away. They do this over and over. Many times they run away but other times when you answer the door, they ask if my girls can come out and play. Well, now my girls (mostly Abby is) are terrified of them and do not want to play with them. I tell them they are busy doing math or piano etc. So they reply that they will come back in five minutes. "No! They will not be done in five minutes. Please don't come back that quickly." But sure enough they come back in five minutes. If I tell them my girls cannot play today, they usually say (and this happens on weekends) that they will come back at 5 or 6am the next morning and ring our doorbell. It is really obnoxious!

Now I must say, I haven't spoken to their parents about any of this because it only happens on holidays are when school is out on break and the girls clearly have nothing else going on to occupy them. So it doesn't happen very often. 

Last night the whole game escalated, they started ringing our doorbell and immediately Abby started going into hysterics. I told them Abby was busy doing math and couldn't come play. Sammy still needed to do her piano etc. They came back minutes later asking again. I told them we are still busy, they cannot play with you today. They asked if we could arrange a play date. No. We are busy this weekend, I replied trying to remain calm and patient. They continued by saying they would come back late that night or a variety of other alternatives. I was answering the door so much, I could hardly get dinner ready. Just as we were about to sit down for dinner, the doorbell rings again and more nonsense ensues. The doorbell rings at some other point a bunch of times and we answer it to find no one there. I am so fed up that I yell out the door, "STOP RINGING MY DOORBELL!" The door rings again a few minutes later, the girls are demanding that I apologize for yelling. They claim to have been scared by it. I say, then stop ringing my doorbell. They then tell me that, it was some boys that they don't know who are ringing my doorbell. REALLY!? I finally get rid of them we eat dinner and a LOVELY, lovely friend of mine from Chicago calls me. I have not spoken to her in two and a half years. We are so excited to catch up but all the while, the doorbell is ringing and my girls are answering it and chaos reigns. At one point, the neighbor girls are pushing on the door to open it and my girls are pushing on the door to shut it. My girls get it shut and then bolt the door with every lock on it.

A little later in the evening, Sammy gets into the shower. She has shampoo on her head when for some ridiculous reason, we run out of hot water. She is crying. I am heating up the kettle downstairs, while on the phone and running boiling water up to add to the cold bath water so she can finish rinsing her hair. Meanwhile, the doorbell is ringing. The neighbor girls hand a note over that is written to me demanding that I apologize for yelling. I get off the phone, the door has finally stopped but the neighbor girls are standing outside on our driveway doing who knows what. Abby can't stop looking out the window and panicking. Sammy is out of the shower and standing in front of the window in her towel as well. The neighbor girls are laughing. I herd my girls away from the window. Charles comes home and immediately upon stepping foot in the house hears all the drama of the night from me and from Abby. I am at my wits end. Charles puts the girls to bed. He tells me I need to go over to their house and talk to their mother the next day. I agree but I don't want to do it at all but know it has to be done. I wish Charles would just do it. I know it has to be me. I pout. I go straight to bed. I feel emotionally exhausted like I have been run over by a train.

The next morning, I get up and make some homemade french bread. Charles and I decided that if I bring "a peace offering." I may not be received with as much contention from the parents when I tell them they need to control their children (of course, I wouldn't word it like that). I have no idea what to expect from the parents. I have only seen them and chatted briefly over the two and a half years we have lived here. I stress all day about what I am going to say. The awkward transition after giving them the lovely bread from your thoughtful neighbor...to can you please do something about your children? How will they receive this? Will they hate me? Will there now be this tension between us as neighbors? The bread is done baking. I do the dishes and every little chore that needs doing just to put off the inevitable. Finally, I psyche myself up and walk to their house. The first time I go, there is no one home. I am completely relieved. I call Charles and tell him I tried. Oh well...He urges me to watch the house and see if they get back before I have to go pick up the girls from school. Of course, they do come home and I see a car out front. I walk over, ring their doorbell and ever so sweetly give them the bread. The father leads me in to the house with big smiles where the mother is. She is very sweet and excited for the homemade bread. Then comes the awkward transition. I tell her why I am really there. I tell her all about the previous night and the incidents in the past. She actually does not hate me. It is the miracle bread! She tells me that she does not like this friend Ellie of her daughter's either and that she is a very bad influence on her daughter. She tells me that they have gotten really impatient with Ellie themselves. They are also shocked by her disrespect. It is a HUGE relief to me. I tell her how nervous I was about coming over. I tell her the bread was not really a late New Year's neighbor gift, it was a peace offering. She laughs. I laugh. She says she will talk to her girls and to Ellie and that it will not happen anymore. We exchange phone numbers in case anything does happen in the future. I skip back down the road, happy!  

 
  

Polygamist? Me?

We live on the edge of a large village in England north of London. Our children go to school in the next village over which is small. I have absolutely loved living here. I feel like I have the best of all worlds. I have the tiny village, where my children go to school, where for the past three years it seems I have gotten to know everyone who lives there. It feels quaint and small town. There is only two primary schools there. Ours, the Church of England school and the state school. Each school has about 200 kids. The high street is a small strip of Tudor-looking buildings with a post office, tiny grocery store and a few other boutiques shops. I love it. Then there is our village, which is bigger but still considered a "village." It has 7-8 primary schools and two secondary schools. There are four grocery stores which are all small but good for picking up a few things. There are a lot of high end boutique shops and restaurants etc.

If you can't find what you need in our village, you can go to one of the nearest mid-size cities. St. Albans is one of those cities located near us (population as of 2011 was 57, 795). It has great shopping, restaurants, large grocery stores, huge parks, theaters and many schools etc. But if St. Albans isn't exciting enough for you, then of course we are a 30 minute train ride or 20-30 minute (car ride - depending on where exactly you are going) to London where of course everything is exciting and big and, and, and....

I love, love, love living in England and nothing will change that! I don't even mind that the nearest big grocery store to me is a 15 minute drive away because in that drive, I pass rolling fields that are bright and yellow in the summer and lush and green all the rest of the year. Hedges edge the fields and there is always some lovely old church steeple in the distance or old stately home that catches your eye. The narrow country lanes covered and dripping with greenery are gorgeous and will never get old for me. So I am happy to give up my convenience for beauty and besides, I order all my groceries online and have them delivered anyway...

Ok now I will get to the point. The other day, I found out that a rumor has been going around that lovely small village in which my children go to school. Do you want to know what that rumor is? Well, the rumor is that Charles and I are polygamists! Yes, Mormon polygamists! Can you believe it?! It really took me by surprise. 

In a small village, word gets around! Yesterday my friend from India (we'll call her Nina) came to my house to pick up her daughters from their piano lessons. She sat me down and asked me if it was true that we are polygamists though she did not think it was. I was shocked! She said that several mums had been talking about it and one mum asked Nina (who knows us the best of all the ladies in the group) if she thought it was true. Wow! I grabbed our family photo and said "Look! Do you see another woman in this picture?" No, we are not polygamists! There are no secret tunnels in this house either, we rent! I don't think my landlord would appreciate us digging secret tunnels or expanding the house for Charles' harem. But let me tell you one thing, if we were, I would certainly send the "other wife" to school pickup and drop off because I hate doing that everyday. Nina laughed and agreed that would be nice. 

Apparently, one of Sammy's friend's mums is the one who started the rumor, as far as I can tell. Let's call her Sue. When I found out Sue has been telling people she thinks we are polygamists, things started to make sense for me. For instance, I have been trying to get her daughter to come and have a play date with Sammy at our house. She never can but often invites Sammy to HER house for a play date with her daughter. I can never reciprocate. (She is the only person in the village who refused play dates at our house fortunately.) 

Secondly, I think Sue got this whole "polygamy" idea from the Vietnamese university student who stayed with us for about six months, a year ago. Her name was Annie. Annie used to always do Abby and Sammy's hair for school in amazing braids and hair styles etc. Sue always commented on their hair and how lovely it was and wondered if I did it. I told her I did not do it but a friend who is staying with us. However, Sue never actually saw Annie. This is probably where she got her suspicion of us being polygamists as far as I can figure. But now Sue has told other people in the village that we have another woman living in the house and therefore we are polygamists. Like I said, Annie moved out a year ago and was only living with us because she was in a bad living situation at the university she goes to. She lived with us until she was able to find some good room mates and a good place to stay.These mums all asked Nina if she has ever seen another woman at our house when she has been here. Seriously??


I guess I am mostly shocked because when Sue told this information to the other mums. They seem to have simply believed her instead of actually looking it up and doing some research on the Mormon faith. They take such information at face value that since Sue says it is true, than it must be.  I was proud to hear that Nina was skeptical when she heard the rumor and googled "Mormons and polygamy" to see if the religion even practices such things anymore.

Of course, I told all of this to Charles and he couldn't stop laughing all night. He finds it hilarious that I am known as the "polygamist lady of the village" (because its not like he is ever at school pickup or drop off).  I must say, after the initial shock of the first day, I actually find it funny too. I now at least have some insight into what people might be thinking when I ask if their daughter can come to our house for a play date... oh you mean the "polygamist house?" ...uh, I think we are busy or sick that day...but you are welcome to come to our house...

Bonfire Night

The weekend after Halloween, we went up to our friend's house about an hour north of where we live. We slept over on Friday night and had a big bonfire party on Saturday night. The men started early in the day on Saturday building the great pile of dried branches, wood and rubbish for the bonfire. Something about building enormous fires gets men really excited. Even Charles was over piling up branches and strutting around being masculine. Charles needs these opportunities though because after all, he is stuck in a house of FOUR girls! Go be manly Charles, build your little fire, you big, burly man you!

The men pondering the best way to pile the rubbish in with the branches...It was a team "thinking" effort...

Sammy and Abby loved to watch.

More manly fire building...meanwhile the ladies were in the kitchen turning out loads and loads of food (not me mind you I was learning the art of fire building). My friend is Vietnamese and her entire large family came which includes many women who just take over the kitchen making spring rolls, Vietnamese stews, fresh prawn crackers, and all sorts of other stuff that I am not sure of the name, but boy could I ever indulge in the deliciousness! These women never stopped, they just kept cooking all day and night and we all just kept eating between fire building of course...I got no pictures of the food...too bad!

There were tons of lanterns hung throughout the apple orchard, which made it all feel kind of magical. 

Sammy excited for the festivities..

The bonfire was a success! It was huge! The men folk were proud!

Here is the Guy Fawkes effigy getting ready to be thrown in the fire...

Accccckkkk! His head has exploded!

Abby keepin' it cool but toasty.

We also let off so many fireworks, I almost got tired of them. But it never stopped being exciting for Alex. She got to do so many sparklers and loved every minute...

More Spookiness...

Here is another post from the week of Halloween. The girls had the whole week off school for half term so one of the days some friends of ours came over and we did an entire day of Halloween crafts and treats. The girls had fun dressing up too. 

The girls made ghosts and spiders in a big web across our dining room. I guess I never took a picture of them all hanging up but it was cute and very spooky!

Alex and her ghostie!

We made cake pops with spooky words written on them and several we decorated to look like a witch's cauldron but somehow I didn't get pictures of those.

We also made chocolate rats.

And of course, Halloween shaped sugar cookies...

No one could eat more than one cake pop because they were so sweet and too rich. I felt sick after the day was over from all the sugar but it was fun and I think we made the most of our Halloween.

Alfonso Cuarón's "IKEA" - Official Trailer

4 YEARS OLD...

I am quite late posting this. Alex turned 4 at the end of September. We had a few of her friends over with their mums for lunch and a play. It was lots of fun! Alex gave the festivities a thumbs-up!

Here they are eating their lunch together.

A Peppa Pig cake was the highlight of the party. Every child gasped in "aaah" of Peppa and her little brother George on the cake. They almost did not want to eat it.

Alex ate Peppa's head. I am not sure how she felt about that...

After lunch they all played on the trampoline, rode bikes and scooters in the front of the house and followed each other around. The mums all sat in chairs outside enjoying the sun and a chat. I served fish cakes and salad for the mums while the kids got chicken nuggets and fruit salad. It was a perfect day!

Katie, Sophia, George, Alex and Isla (missing Noah).

Another thumbs-up!

So happy with her new Doc McStuffins doll

Woo hoo! Birthdays are so fun! I can't believe she is 4 and will start big school (reception as they call it here, the equivalent of kindergarten) next September! Time sure does fly. I almost forget she was my little cast baby who couldn't move and was so heavy to lug around and now all grow'd up! 

A mish-mash of events

Here is Abby in her costume for World War II Day at school. She is a WWII Evacuee girl. She was going to be the same thing for Halloween until she got a beautiful Catherine of Aragon dress (see below) . She had a lovely WWII day though complete with ration books to buy sweets and extra strict discipline like they would have had in school back then. If you did something wrong, you were made to stand in the corner or get your hands slapped with a ruler.  Hopefully she was extra good...

Abby was posing so of course Alex grabbed the nearest things she could find and posed too.

We went on a lovely walk to see the fall leaves at Devil's Dike. It was nice to take Daddy since last time the girls and I went, it was so dark and quiet we got scared and decided to leave.

Here is Halloween. Abby is Catherine of Aragon, Sammy is a ballerina, Alex is an angel who can't find her halo and refuses to wear her wings and Kendra was a friend who joined in on the fun.

Trick or Treat