The Farns: Kiss the Mistress Goodbye!

Friday, 13 June 2008

Kiss the Mistress Goodbye!

Today is Charles' last day of work here in London and thus I am also celebrating his last day with his mistress, his Blackberry phone. For those of you who don't know what a Blackberry phone is, it is basically a phone as well as a computer. With it by your side, you will never again miss an email, urgent document or phone call from the all-important client. You can surf the internet and plan your life with it. We (I) will "miss" this little mistress greatly, she has really been at the center of our lives for the past five years here in London. She goes with us on holiday, to friends' houses, to dinner dates and a movie night out and worst of all, she sleeps next to our bed at night flashing her little light to make sure we know she is still there.

Here is the mistress with us on holiday in Southern Spain getting closer to Charles than I ever did on the beach! !

Here is the mistress and Charles cozying up and having a "moment" on a boat somewhere off the coast of South Africa...

These are the only two documented pictures I could find of the mistress with us on holiday but believe me she was with us on many, many more.

In fact, this mistress of his has even been on trips with Charles that have excluded ME, i.e. Morocco, Prague, Oslo and Iceland to name a few. So in honor of this special day, I have written a little poem dedicated to Charles' mistress - the Blackberry phone.

ODE TO THE MISTRESS

by Joyce -

One of the family you have become,

You have probably even seen my bum.

Devoted to my husband like you are,

You darling, are NOT my superstar.

So today I tip my glass and say,

Have your OWN holiday!

My husband is MINE and don't let me hear you pout,

and by the way, don't let the door hit you on your way out!

(The sad part of all this is, that as of August when Charles starts at his new firm, we will have a new mistress to deal with, most likely a newer "younger" model...)

8 comments:

Mindi said...: You poor thing. What a strong woman you are! Putting up with something else stealing your husbands time and attention!.. and going on holiday with you?!

I think it's hilarious (and sad) and so very true... Colby is starting to get tight with his "mistress" as well. I try to keep a distance between the two when it's supposed to be "family" time.

Love the poem- you should publish! :) Colby was pretty amused by the entry too. Enjoy your last few weeks!; 13 June 2008 at 18:38:00 GMT-7
ishybeanie said...: you are so funny, we are not technically advanced to understand all that cell phone/computer stuff.; 14 June 2008 at 16:07:00 GMT-7
Cindy Lou Who said...: Love the poem!!!! Oh my gosh, you are soooo talented and adorable!!!; 15 June 2008 at 00:26:00 GMT-7
Kam said...: Yeaaaah! Way to go, throwing that mistress out the window! We are VERY excited for you guys, and hope the "new" mistress is less imposing! Hilarious.; 16 June 2008 at 02:39:00 GMT-7
Merianne said...: Dan has his Blackberry with him 24/7 and I can't stand it. We'll be in the middle of an important discussion and his BB will buzz. Of course he'll stop our conversation to check his email which is obviously more important than a conversation with his wife. I want to throw it out the window!; 16 June 2008 at 10:52:00 GMT-7
Nelson Family Album said...: I have always refered to your "mistress" as a "crackberry" - check out peoples eyes...they have a similar bloodshot look.; 16 June 2008 at 20:28:00 GMT-7
Tyler and Emily said...: This is the funniest thing I have ever read! I couldn't have said it better myself. Hope you had a great time in Germany! Good riddance to that mistress!!; 18 June 2008 at 08:33:00 GMT-7
Elieson Family said...: That was hilarious Joyce!
Michael has his own mistresses to be sure, but not a blackberry! Seriously great...; 19 June 2008 at 15:13:00 GMT-7

Books I Have Read Recently

(Let me know what books you have read recently or what your favorite book(s) is. I am always looking for a good book. Here are a few I have read.)

-The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

-Pope Joan by Donna Wolfolk Cross
(Definitely one of my favorites)

-Men to Match my Mountains by Irving Stone

-Life of Pi by Yann Martel

-The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown

-Leap of Faith: Memoirs of an Unexpected Life by Queen Noor of Jordan

--Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
(This is one of my favorite books.)

-Those Who Love by Irving Stone
(This is a book about Abigail Adams, wife of John Adams. It was an enlightening read.)

-I Love You Ronnie by Nancy Reagan

--The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
(I didn't like this book.)

--The Alchemist by Paul Coelho
(I liked this book when I read it several years ago but when I recently re-read it, I did not like it. I guess my tastes have changed.)

-The Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh
(Begins in 1885, with the British invasion of Mandalay and the capture of the Burmese king and queen, and encompassing over 100 years to modern-day India and Burma (Myanmar). It was a great read.)

--The Peddler’s Grandson; Growing up Jewish in Mississippi by Edward Cohen

-Brick Lane by Monica Ali
(I liked this book a lot except for the middle part where you are reading a bunch of letters written in poor English. I could have done without that.)

-Nine Parts of Desire by Geraldine Brooks

-Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
(I saw the movie and loved it. It stars Queen Latifah as August and she is great!)

--Power and Glory by Adam Nicolson

--How To Run a Traditional Jewish Household by Blu Greenberg

-Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin

-The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

-Songs of Innocence and of Experience by William Blake

-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
(This is a very thrilling read. I could not put it down. It may not be for everyone though.)

-Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behavior
by Kate Fox

-The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom and John Scherrill

-Girl with the Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

-Atonement by Ian McEwan
(A very intriguing book and I loved the movie, even though Kiera Knightley was the star.)

-Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

--The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory
(Great book about Katherine of Aragon, King Henry VIII's first wife)

--The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
(A book about Ann Boleyn - King Henry VIII's second wife)

-The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory
(This one is about King Henry VIII's fourth and fifth wives - Anne of Cleves and Katherine Howard.)

-The Queen's Fool by Philippa Gregory
(This book is about Queen Mary, Katherine of Aragon's daughter, and the Queen-to-be Elizabeth, Anne Boleyn's daughter. There is also a fictional character Hannah. I loved it!)

-Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach

-The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad
(A great overview of recent Afghan history. Check out the bookseller's rebuttal book published this year.)

-Virgins of Paradise by Barbara Wood
(I loved this book. It focuses on an Egyptian family from the 1940s to the present. It was a really good look at Egyptian culture and politics as they have changed through the years.)

-A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

-The Chosen by Chaim Potok
(This is a good look at Jewish life. I liked reading the history of the formation of the state of Israel and the different reactions of various Jews throughout the book.)

--The Painted Veil by W. Somerset Maugham

--The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner

-Children: The Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D.
(I am still in the process of reading this book)

-The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama
(I admit, I skimmed this. It was long with too much political rhetoric for my taste.)

--The Hours by Michael Cunningham
(I didn't like this book, I wouldn't recommend it.)

-The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
(This was an amazing book. I could have read it in one night, easily. I could not put it down. It is about an innocent boy living outside the fence of a concentration camp.)

-David O. McKay and The Rise of Modern Mormonism by Gregory Prince and WM. Robert Wright

-The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
(I loved this book!)

-1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan
(I have been doing this with Abby and it works like "magic!" I even went to a lecture and heard the author speak about the method and it is great!)

-Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

-They Dare to Speak Out by Paul Findley
(A book about an Illinois congressman who lost his seat to the Israeli Lobby.)

---“The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy” by John J. Mearsheimer, a political scientist at the University of Chicago, and Stephen M. Walt, a professor of international affairs at the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard
(This is an excellent paper.)

--A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
(I must admit, I did not finish this book. I found it very slow moving and a bit boring. I read about half and gave up.)

--The Zookeeper's Wife: A War Story by Diane Ackerman

--Stasiland; Stories From Behind the Berlin Wall by Anna Funder

--These is My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881 - 1901 Arizona Territories by Nancy E. Turner
(This was a great escape. I loved it!)

--Escape by Carolyn Jessop (This is a disturbing book but a good read. It's all about a girl who escapes from a radical FLDS polygamist cult.)

--Tall Grass by Sandra Dallas

--The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
(Doctors took her cells without asking; those cells never died. They launched a medical revolution and a multimillion-dollar industry. More than twenty years later, her children found out. Their lives would never be the same.)

--FREE RANGE kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) by Lenore Skenazy

--Standing Alone: An American Woman's Struggle for the Soul of Islam by Asra Q. Nomani
(I loved this book. It is a very detailed account of the hajj and her take on Islam.)

--The Year That Changed The World: The Untold Story Behind the Fall of the Berlin Wall by Michael Meyer
(Meyer is a myth buster. The myth he tackles in this book is Americans' idea that communist regimes in the Cold War fell because of the United States' involvement. He is an excellent historian. I really enjoyed this book!)

--Hunting Eichmann: How a Band of Survivors and a Young Spy Agency Chased Down the World's Most Notorious Nazi by Neal Bascomb
(This book is now on my list of all-time favorites. It was thrilling and so fascinating. I highly recommend it!)

--Kabul Beauty School by Deborah Rodriguez
(I loved this book. It was adventurous and inspiring!)

--Someone Knows My Name By Lawrence Hill

--The Great Fire of London in the Apocalyptic Year 1666 By Neil Hanson
(I knew of the great fire in London but nothing else. This was very informative and kept my interest. It did get a little too detailed in parts though.)

--Son of Hamas: A Gripping Account of Terror, Betrayal, Political Intrigue and Unthinkable Choices By Mosab Hassan Yousef
(I like this book)

--Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China by Jung Chang
(Excellent book on the history of China and how it has changed over the century.)

--Hana's Suitcase by Karen Levine
(I would read this to my girls one day. It is a good look at the holocaust for children.)

--The Flying Carpet of Small Miracles by Hala Jaber

--Mengele: The Complete Story by Gerald Posner and John Ware

--Cutting For Stone by Abraham Verghese

--In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin by Erik Larson

--The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

--The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

--Faith: Behind The Fences: A True Story of Survival In A Japanese Prison Camp by Kelly Dispirito Taylor

--Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls

--We Were Not Alone: How an LDS Family Survived World War II Berlin by Patricia Reece Roper

--The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

--Pillar of the Earth by Ken Follett

--Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka

--The Cultural Revolution: A People's History 1962 - 1976 by Frank Dikotter

Books I Want to Read

--Terror in the Name of God: Why Religious Militants Kill by Jessica Stern
--Dark Star Safari: Overland from Cairo to Capetown by Paul Theroux
--Through a Glass Darkly: A Novel by Karleen Koen
--Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
--The Jewel of Medina by Sherry Jones
--Shanghai Girls by Lisa See
--The Art of Making Money: The Story of a Master Counterfeiter by Jason Kersten
--An Enduring Love: My Life with the Shah - A Memoir by Farah Pahlavi
--Reconciliation: Islam, Democracy, and the West by Benazir Bhutto
--City of Joy by Dominique Lapierre
--East of Eden by John Steinbeck
-- The Agony and the Ecstacy: A Biographical Novel of Michelangelo by Irving Stone
--One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
--Year of Wonders, a novel of the plague by Geraldine Brooks
--Ms. Ayaan Hirsi Ali's autobiography "Infidel"
--Call Me Anna: The Autobiography of Patty Duke by Patty Duke and Kenneth Turan
-- The War against the Jews: 1933-1945 by Lucy S. Dawidowicz
-- Alicia: My Story by Alicia Appleman-Jurman
--Vintage Sacks by neurologist/author Oliver Sacks.
--Helen Keller's "The Story of My Life"
--I Thought my Father was God (a collection of peoples' stories from NPR's National Story Project)
--Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
--I, Elizabeth by Rosalind Miles