Children: The Challenge -- Chapter One

I acquired a very good book recently called Children: the Challenge by Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D. I have been meaning to read the book from cover to cover for a long time now but I have only succeeded in reading bits and pieces of it here and there. So, I have made myself a goal to read at least one chapter a week and take notes. I will then post my notes or highlights on my blog to get any feedback from other mothers or childcare providers (or even those without children - anyone can comment). This way, I do all the reading and you get all the information without much work. Sounds like a good deal to me. So feel free to give me your opinion about anything that is presented in the book, whether you agree or disagree.

Chapter One – Our Present Dilemma

Adults are usually deeply disturbed at the notion that children are their social equals. They indignantly deny such a possibility. “Don’t be ridiculous. I know more than my child does. He can’t possibly be my equal.” No. Of course not. Not in knowledge or experience or skill. But these things don’t indicate equality-even among adults. Equality doesn’t mean uniformity! Equality means that people, despite all their individual differences and abilities, have equal claims to dignity and respect.

There is another factor that may play a part in our feeling that we must be superior to our children. We may have a hidden doubt of our own worth, a deep sense of not measuring up to our own ideals. Then a child, in his helplessness, makes a delightful object of comparison by which we can feel grand! But this is a false illusion. In fact, our children are much more capable than we are and tend to outsmart us on many occasions. Children sense their equality to adults and no longer tolerate an autocratic dominant-submissive relationship.

There is widespread confusion about the application of democratic principles. As a result, we have frequently mistaken license for freedom and anarchy for democracy. To so many, democracy means freedom to do as one pleases. Our children have reached the point where they defy restrictions because they assume their right to do as they please. This is license, not freedom. If each member of the family insists on doing as he pleases, we have a houseful of tyrants with resulting anarchy.
Freedom is part of democracy; but the subtle point that we cannot have freedom unless we respect the freedom of others is seldom recognized. No one can enjoy freedom unless his neighbor has it too. In order for everyone to have freedom, we must have order. And order bears with it certain restrictions and obligations.
To help our children, then, we must turn from the obsolete autocratic method of demanding submission to a new order based on the principles of freedom and responsibility. Our children no longer can be forced into compliance; they must be stimulated and encouraged into voluntarily taking their part in the maintenance of order. We need new principles of child-raising to replace obsolete traditions.